Writing Humor

Humor is a part of life for us all. It is the oil that makes the machinery move without seizing up (and you thought it was money that did that!). We all know someone or something that makes us laugh. Why does it do that? Hard to say, as every one of us is different and we all see things differently. There are people who think Will Farrell is absolutely hilarious. I personally find him annoying. Then again, I like the Marx Brothers and more than one person has lifted an eyebrow to that revelation (no, you aren't the first). The fact is that humor is entirely subjective, as is any other type of writing.

Okay, then what makes one thing funny and another not? YOU do. No, really! Or the stimulus may be a trigger to a memory that seemingly comes rushing back out of nowhere (every time I see Dr. Pepper, I laugh, as I think of my wife calling it "carbonated prune juice"). Or it is from an out-of-place event that makes you laugh because of the juxtaposition of it all (look that one up in the right hand column, under dictionaries). Example? A man on horseback in the drive-through window at the local burger joint (maybe you grew up where this was a common event, but I didn't, so I laughed the first time I saw it). Another example--irony. When I was on my mission, I was snickering aloud at the names of some of the Canadian cities in the province I was assigned to--Moose Jaw, Moose Factory, etc. My companion, from British Columbia, asked where I was from and when I told him Mishawaka, he started laughing, too. Touche'. I deserved it and never forgot. Then, too, I laugh when I think of HIM, because he seemed so prim and proper, saying that "puns are the lowest form of humor" and then he played a tape of him and a friend playing telephone pranks a few years earlier. Do you see the humor in this as I did? He missed it, which made it even funnier.

Movies can be funny. Something really funny is when my wife tells me she thought it funnier to hear her family discussing a movie and laughing over it--then when she saw it, she thought, "THIS is what they were talking about? THIS isn't funny!"

Who knows why, but passing gas is funny (only in the right environment--meaning "not where it could embarrass you and your loved ones. A quiet library or in study hall is hilarious. After relieving yourself, just don't slap a quarter on the desk of the person behind you and exclaim, "I've got to hand it to you--I didn't think you would do it"). Once, when our oldest was very small, my wife and I were discussing it and our son piped up, "That's 'gusting!" And he was right, in both ways. Enough said. This may be another entirely subjective matter, after all. Feel free to move on. (Wait, did I just make a Freudian slip, as well?)

Unintentional humor is hilarious. Context dependant comments made subliminally. Okay, let me give an example. My wife has an unusual talent. She is highly suggestible, so it makes for some interesting and roll-on-the-floor episodes. For example, when I awoke one morning I had a bit of trouble with my equilibrium and commented that I was bouncing off the walls and walking like a drunk man. Her response? "I'm inclined to agree." Priceless! And funnier yet, she doesn't know she's done it until we all start laughing. On another occasion we were discussing the music of John Denver, a favorite of hers. Because of his untimely death and her love for his music (and our kids' liking for other types of music) she felt she must defend him, so she stated that his music was really good, but " personally, he just went off the deep end". Never mind the late hour--I am sure we woke everyone in the campground that night. My sides were hurting and I was nearly helpless for several minutes. And she kept asking, "What's so funny about that?"--which only extended the moment of helplessness for me. She is so good at this, I admire her for it. When the boys were once discussing projectile vomiting (hey, it's fascinating, okay?), she came in and asked, "Who brought THAT up?" [If you aren't laughing by now, you have no sense of humor at all.]

The obvious can be funny, if told right, because it is so typical (and stereotypical), perhaps. The absolutely ridiculous can be funny--something that will never happen, but would be quite humorous if it did. You can picture it as if it did happen and you laugh. Laughing can be funny to another person. Red Skelton was famous for laughing at his own jokes, even before he could get them out. The audience sometimes never got to hear the joke, because he was laughing too hard to tell it, but they laughed, too, just because it was so infectious. And sometimes when he did manage to get the joke out, it wasn't that funny, which made you laugh because HE thought it was and had such a hard time getting it out.

And speaking of the ridiculous, parodies can be funny. I have written a few below (I was inspired by the Jeff Foxworthy redneck line of jokes). Do you see any humor in them? Write some of your own--just for laughs--**snicker**.

WARNING! This humor approaches bizarre.

YOU MAY BE ACCIDENT PRONE IF...

You've ever fallen out of a pair of shoes.
Your bruises heal up and friends ask, "What happened to you?"
You have callouses on the side of your head.
You can fall upstairs.
People have tried to attach training wheels to you.
You once got a cell phone caught in your ear.
You get personally offended at slapstick comedy.
You know people around you are taking bets, but won't tell you why.
You get hurt while climbing the wheel-chair ramp.
You've ever cut yourself with a butter knife.
Standing up makes you very nervous.
Your standing up makes others very nervous.
You won't use a pencil sharpener because "mechanical things" scare you.

Others clear a room to "wait until you are finished with it."
The hospital has a welcome mat with your name on it.
The Guiness Book people have called you "because you are famous."
You are Evel Kneivel's hero.
Scientists want to study you and are willing to pay handsomely.
You have been hit by more than three meteorites...this month alone.
You have a permanent asphalt tattoo on your forehead.
Any sudden movements, like waving, makes others cringe.
You think using a file cabinet should be "left to the experts".
If mail addressed to your house is prefaced with, "Keep out of reach of..." and bears your name.

Your closest friends have had a special walker made for you, "just like the ones toddlers use, only bigger."
You're thinking of volunteering for a cloning project.
You've ever crossed your fingers because it was less noticable that way.
You have a "permanent wave" in your skull.
Inanimate objects seek to move out of your way.
The words "I'm going to..." meet with peals of laughter.
If everything in your house is decorated in early Nerf.
Your "train of thought" has ever resulted in a wreck.
You cut your finger on a string while practicing "air guitar".
Dinner forks make you break out in hives and give you hiccups.
You've ever had a tea cup removed from your esophagus.
A new wing at the hospital may soon bear your name, though you don't recall contributing anything.

You are the poster child for any medical organization.
Paramedics thank you for making their early retirements possible.
You get Christmas cards from Johnson & Johnson.
You refer to common sewing repairs as sutures.
You've been made an honorary lab rat.
You change a tire and can't pull your hand free without removing lug nuts.
You've been named the Ninth Wonder of the World.
You've ever pursed your lips and couldn't un-purse them.
You were told to "zip your lip" and got it caught in the zipper.
The mere act of waking up causes nosebleeds.
You discover you have several new wounds upon waking up.

And last, but not least, a definite sign: If you've ever gotten hurt while changing your mind, you may indeed be accident prone.

YOU MAY BE A LOUSY COOK IF...

Your dog starts howling each time you move toward the kitchen.
Your children really believe there is such a thing as the Charcoal Lover's Pizza.
You are always the "guest of honor" at all the church potluck dinners and as such have "no need to cook".
You think of beans and franks as exotic cuisine.
You make two kinds of Jello--smooth or crunchy.
Your biscuits are heavy as lead, but they won't go down.

A food fight with your cooking causes life-threatening injuries.
If you start hearing things like, "No thanks, I ate just yesterday."
If a new meal is greeted with, "Leftovers again?"
Your guests ask you to identify which are the peas and which are the carrots.
Your children start following dinner with ipecac and epinephrine chasers.
Several neighborhood dogs have died of mysterious circumstances.
Dry heaves are just a part of your life.
You've ever bought Pepto Bismol in the handy 5 gallon size.
Your family doctor has a stomach pump with your family crest on it.
Your dinner table has ever been quarantined and you were banished from the kitchen for extended periods.

Your family invented anorexia and bulimia.
More than seven of your favorite recipes use Ramen as the main ingredient.
The Surgeon General and several FDA officials are on a first name basis with you.
The World Health Organization and the Center for Disease Control have adopted your family.
If Saddam Hussein ever asked you for your recipes.
Alka-Seltzer is considered a dessert in your home.
The makers of Raid, Black Flag and Roach-Prufe have all offered to buy you out.
Tour bus occupants drive by, slow down, point and shake heads, but never stop.
That "spontaneous picket fence" around your house is made entirely of handmade crosses, donated by anonymous caring individuals.

Your meat balls, when fired at high velocities, have been demonstrated to kill vampires.
A new and unusual syndrome has been dubbed in your honor.
If Anyone eating your home-made bread has ever broken a tooth or fractured a jaw.
Portland Cement Company has identified three new molecular structures in your biscuits.
Your dinner rolls may have newfound applications in rail gun and particle accelerator technologies.
The Department of Defense has classified your cooking as Top Secret in the interest of national security.
Your kitchen has ever been lovingly referred to as Ground Zero.
If your waste-basket or garbage disposal ever threw up.
The mere thought of "eating in" causes spontaneous diahrrea and vomiting in your family members.

If you find that cooking is the quickest and most effective threat you can make.
Your pancakes are often mistaken for the plate.
Your husband asks for more pancakes just before he goes skeet shooting.
Your children are caught skipping your pancakes across the lake and several ducks are hurt.
You discover your kids stacking your homemade cupcakes and running for cover when they begin to tilt.
The baby begins crying when you ask if anyone is hungry.
The fumes from your cooked cabbage can peel paint...at a distance of three blocks.
The FDA has asked you to attach a warning label to all your concoctions.
You've inspired Hollywood producers to consider a new approach to the Lethal Weapon series of films, but Mel Gibson and Danny Glover are afraid to star in it.
Your Peanut Butter/Tuna Noodle Surprise brought the house down--literally.
Your kitchen has been listed as a Superfund Cleanup site.

And a huge indication to consider: If shoe repairmen use your waffles because they last longer than synthetic soles, you may indeed be a lousy cook.

YOU MAY BE A HEAVY DRINKER IF...

You've ever awakened in the morning with "carpet face".
You don't recall your shoes being that color a moment ago.
Everywhere you go is uphill.
Close friends wear raincoats on sunny days.
You spend more than one minute digging for your car keys before you realize boxer shorts have no pocket.
You don't recall the door being there when you came in.
It has taken you more than 1 minute to find the door.
You've ever put your shoes on backward and it felt right.
Even the dog hides your car keys.
You're glad you drove because you were in no shape to have walked.
Your head is in the toilet more than your backside.

You ever tried to bum a dollar from a cop or a parking meter.
Just hearing the word "medicinal" makes you thirsty.
You ever answered a hiccup with, "I'll drink to that".
You've ever gone after more beer on your riding lawn mower.
You've ever tried to climb over a sidewalk.
If your idea of a balanced diet is a beer in each hand.
If you dress like the Michelin Man for safety reasons.
You conclude that you must have had a good time, because you can't remember a thing.
If you ever had more than one beer cap removed from a single body part.

If gravitational anomalies seem to focus around you in particular.
If someone burps and you holler, "Another round!"
If you've ever screamed, "Stop! Let me off!" while in a prone position.
You consider a day without alcohol to be "fasting".
You think of alcoholic drinks as 'staples'.
If you stargaze a lot during daylight hours.
You've ever tried to answer the phone and don't have one.
If you can name more local bars than Presidents.
If you don't like water because fish swim in it.
You've ever tried to put a drink coaster in your CD player.
You and your drinking buddies think you may have decoded the TV test pattern.

If you have ever had a "good conversation' with your dog.
If you have ever wondered why you can't get the fishing channel on the microwave.
If you ever hit the bottom stair and just kept going.
If the only thing on your Christmas list is beer.
You think Smith and Wesson is a new distillery.
If using the doggie door is easier than finding your keys.
If, when pulled over by a cop, you've ever said, "Oooh, look at the pretty lights...."
You've ever ordered another drink while wondering if you have a drinking problem.

And the biggest indicator of all--if you've ever set your hand on fire while blowing out a match, you may indeed be a heavy drinker.