Can Men Write Romance?

This was a topic at latterdayauthors.com. It is a fascinating question. I already know the answer, but couldn't help but be taken by the topic anyway. I mean, what would make the question necessary, except that there seems to be a tendency for women to write romance and men not to even want to see it in "chick flicks", let alone read it.

Some of those who posted speculated that it is because men are more action oriented and prone to perhaps more protective and aggressive tendencies. They are more competitive. Testosterone does that to you, I guess. Well, I guess there is something to that, no doubt. But I think it goes deeper than that. Right to the very heart of the matter is the fact that before birth--soon after conception--an amazing thing takes place. The brain of the embryo is bathed in special chemicals at the moment the sex is decided. These chemicals actually cause a real change in how the brain will function if the baby is to be male. All this has been proven by tests in the lab. Doctors have wired up men and women and then recorded the brain activity when they showed them such things as soap operas or other stimuli that would cause emotional reactions. What they recorded amazed even them. In the women, much larger areas of the brain lit up. In fact, numerous areas lit up that remained quiet in the men all together. They connected the problem of women who watch soap operas extensively while drinking to the result that many become alcoholics because of this very pattern of difference. The women were less able to distinguish that this was not real life. They became so entangled in the stories that these characters became very life-like and in many cases all too real to them. It would also explain why some soap opera stars are accosted on the street and abused by fans of their respective shows for their supposed treatment of other actors and actresses who are also just playing a part.

Women have known for some time that men are able to remain more focused on some things than they are. Let a woman try to get her man away from the football game, for instance--lack of clothing not withstanding, it may be next to impossible if he really wants to watch that game. ("I'm sorry, Honey. Were you actually IN the house then?") On the other hand, men will react totally differently to a baby crying than will a woman. Then, too, there is the very real and defined difference in how men and women express their feelings vocally. Men may not know how to put into words what they feel, even to themselves, let alone to describe it out loud well enough to satisfy a woman. They may truly and genetically lack the words to say what they feel. A woman, though, may be more than capable--to the point that the man may wish she was less capable of expressing herself. She may feel frustrated that he lacks the words and take this to be a lack of interest in discussing the matter with her. He then, in turn, may consider her coaxing to be hostility and off they go. Life is fun sometimes---and other times....

Personally, I have had times when words are hard to find. And then I have had times when they come very easily. I feel I have been blessed to see things from both sides often. Because of this ability to use both sides of the brain, so to speak, I feel I have been able to find the words that will express romance in a manner that women read and appreciate. Responses from female readers verify this. BUT, I also have written into my stories enough heart-pumping adrenaline rushes to keep a man interested, too. I have come to question why that balance would be so natural to me. The conclusion I came to is that I had to include enough of the latter to keep myself intrigued. Strangely, it also seems to keep a woman intrigued. The responses more than testify to this. Kind of like taking your girl to the horror flicks and they cuddle closer in the really scary parts. A lot of women seem to like thrillers, mysteries and intrigue. This surprised me even very recently.

One woman posted to the above site that she never liked any romance written by a man, because they are too predictable, shallow and the man always sacrifices the woman for his own safety, etc. I was personally rather hurt to hear this, though she certainly never meant to aim the comment at me. I guess I felt to challenge her, because another woman had told me she had always despised romance novels, yet she liked mine because it had substance to it and seemed more real than others. Others told me it was like watching a movie more than reading a book and one even said, in all capital letters, that she couldn't put it down. Others claimed it captivated them from page one and didn't let go. Of course, that was all very gratifying, but isn't it funny how you always want to win over the last hold-out? That was what I found myself wanting to do. Yes, logically you can never please everyone all the time, but the urge was there to win her over and make her a believer. That competitive spirit in the male being took over, I guess.

Well, I said I knew the answer from the beginning. I have been told my work is very romantic. I also know that men will like it and I want to get more male comments on it. What I would really like is for several couples to read it together and comment on their experiences. That would be a good experiment to me. I know men can write romance, because I can. But now I want to challenge the conventional wisdom that says we can't. To me that is sexism and bunk and deserves to be proven wrong. And I think women secretly want a man who can express himself confidently in a romantic way.

Write me for a copy of the whole novel and I will make a gift of it if you promise to share it and send me your comments on it. pointedwords@gmail.com