I knew that this query letter would be a calling card, a resume, an introduction and a sales letter. I had one chance and it must be professional and polished. Below is the letter, which I printed on a monogrammed letterhead--very nice indeed. And it seems to have gotten attention. I suggest that you keep to two pages maximum, but you must follow your instincts as well. Any questions? Write to me at pointedwords@gmail.com.com.
[Note that I belatedly asked for the advice of a professional writer and editor in regards to this letter. Although the original draft received a reading and a good response, it was not what I had hoped. Had I requested this friends' expert advice before I sent the letter, it may well have gotten a better response. 'Better late than never,' as they say. Although I am not at liberty to divulge the name of this good person, I certainly appreciate the kind gesture and wish her well personally. My letter has certainly become better because of her attention to it. Below is the revised and improved version.]
(To whom are you addressing it? Include the agency name and address in full.)
The Charlotte Gusay Literary Agency
10532 Blythe, Suite 211
Los Angeles, CA 90064
(What is it that you are pitching? Include this in the upper right hand corner of the letter. This saves guessing for the agent or editor you have sent it to. It may also picque their interest, if you are creative without getting bizarre or gaudy).
Thriller/Romance--modern times
circa 70,000 words
(Whom do you want to read it? Do your research and call for the name of the editor or agent, if you must. People like their name and respond to it better than to their titles.)
Attention: Charlotte Gusay
(Give an exciting and 'visually stimulating' example from the work itself. This tells them you can indeed write and engage an audience. It also tells them this could make a good film.)
The arm shot around her like a python, strangling her already bruised and protesting ribs in its relentless grip. The hand that followed closed powerfully across her mouth to prevent warning screams for the would-be rescuers that were drawing nigh. Denise felt her eyes were large as saucers as she swung the steel point swiftly and surely into the thigh she knew was behind her. Again and again she drove the screwdriver home until the hands that held her relinquished their grip and with a groan of agony, gave her the freedom she demanded. Denise screamed quickly and determinedly to let the others know where she was. There were only seconds to enjoy her sovereignty and she knew Ted stood between her and those who sought her, still too far away to help. He now bellowed like the beast he was and again prepared to charge. In bitter anguish, Denise turned away from her desired goal and fled deeper into the black, dense growth of the forest.
--Excerpt from Shining Armor—The Knight Appears
(Give a brief synopsis of the story to further generate interest. This must be in present tense. Identify characters by name and project a feel for them as people. You want the editor or agent to forget to read as a professional and read as a fan.)
In Shining Armor --The Knight Appears, Ronald Jameson is a man who has suffered the loss of his wife a year or so previously and has become a recluse, kept company in his solitude only by his pain.
While Ron sits peacefully at a diner one morning, a bully (Ted Randall) begins to openly terrorize and abuse a woman (Denise Payton) and her female friend. Concerned for their safety, Ron tries to calmly and quietly defuse the situation, but instead sets into motion a chain of events that threatens him and Denise with the loss of their lives, for Ted Randall is a psychopathic madman, delusional to the point that he will stop at nothing in order to achieve what he wants or to have revenge on those who attempt to impede his will.
The settings for the story range from a modern city to the forested mountain range nearby. Not only must the hero and heroine evade dangers in their daily surroundings, but also their inevitable flight leads them to a cabin retreat, which they hope will prove to be a refuge and safe haven. Instead, their enemy follows and attempts to murder them there. The hardships of the wilderness environment seem trivial when compared with the threat posed by this evil personified.
(Your market and the audience you plan to reach?)
As a crossover genre, shown already to appeal to both men and women, as well as to a wide base of reader interests, this should prove to be a profitable addition to your catalog. The market for suspense and thrillers is huge and, in addition, romance readers are unquestionably among the largest group of book consumers. The current market demand for realism will be advantageous, as well. Based on preliminary reader responses, I am quite confident this will adapt excellently to film, further propelling sales of the book.
(Show that you are a consummate professional in every way and that you do your homework. They also want to know you will get involved in the process before they put their money into it.)
Ms. Gusay, I have studied the techniques of master writers since my teen years and upon completion of my manuscript, I knew a market test was advisable. The best test would be with strangers who owed me nothing but the brutal truth. Logical “experts” would be avid readers of the thriller, suspense and romance genres. Additionally, those not normally fans of these genre would be the acid test. Responses to this testing have been overwhelmingly positive. I include a few samples, excerpted for brevity, but written as received:
(Prove your claims with real and viable examples and testimonials. These must be unbiased--none of the "My Mom loves it" stuff.)
- "I COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN. I love it...I want more…. You have a great way of capturing the reader very quickly. The characters seem so real…. The suspense had my heart racing as I was trying to read faster…"
- "Draws you right in. More like watching a movie than reading a book."
- “I’ve been enjoying it, which really surprised me, being this particular genre.”
- "I predict great things from you, Steve. ...I really like your book!...you have a great voice and a great story. "
- "wow, Wow, WOW!!! I was hooked the moment I started reading ...yours seemed more real, totally believable.... I felt as though I was right there…."
- "Usually it takes at least 10 pages to peak my interest, but I can already tell this is going to be great! Captivating from page one! Quite an accomplishment."
(Show that you value their input and are confident of their interest. Make certain your work has been gone over with a fine-toothed comb first. There may still be faults, but you want them to be minimal in nature and few in number. Mention any other of your works they could be interested in, but be brief and remember these are busy people.)
Please note that, although this novel functions well as a stand-alone, I have also written two sequel novellas: The Evil Returns (presently ca. 28,000 words) and The Rival (presently ca. 35,000 words), with reprise appearances of characters from the original work and introducing new and interesting characters as the adventure continues. These would go well under the same cover as the original or issued together under a separate cover. They might also be expanded, if required. Preliminary response to them has been quite favorable, as well.
(Show genuine and sincere gratitude for the time and attention given you. Again, these are very busy and overworked individuals.)
Ms. Gusay, I thank you, in advance, for your time and attention. I look forward to your response and advice. Please notify me regarding format preference and whether you desire a few chapters or the complete manuscript.
(Sign and include your contact info, which may or may not repeat your letterhead info.)
Steven O’Dell
6464 E. Portia Circle
Mesa, AZ 85215
Cell: 509-855-2939
pointedwords@gmail.com (Because anything else is pointless.)
(A little humor never hurts, when appropriate. It shows you are human and approachable. Besides, there may be days these folks hate their jobs, too. If you make them laugh or smile, they might look more favorably upon you. At least they may remember you more easily the next time you approach them with a project.)
Always remain confident as you write. If you feel it, you will project it as well. Believe in your work, but be prepared for constructive critique and be ready to follow it, if it is valid. You should want your work to be perfect. Ideally, if it is perfect before you send it in, the editor or agent should read as a fan--not an agent or editor. However, should you get constructive criticism, remember this: Stephen King says that if he gets the same suggestions 2-3 times, he takes them seriously. You do the same. You will only benefit from it. The only time I suggest that you resist--and please do so politely--is when the inner muse dictates so strongly that you cannot ignore the impulse. This is not for the sake of foolish pride. It is not because you already think your work is perfect, but because you KNOW that fiddling with it will only harm the story. When you know it, you just know it, even if you cannot explain how you know it. Then, and only then, should you politely resist the critique of a publisher or agent.
It is also advisable to write a thank-you letter upon receipt of a rejection letter. This shows you are mature and can take it. It also is a perfect opportunity to ask politely why it was rejected and what you might do to improve your work. Think of it as another foot in the door. Who knows what may come of it? Best wishes and keep writing.
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